Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
