I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
