I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
