Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
