Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
