some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize