Duck Duck Cougar?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
