I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We had sex on a dog bed..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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