well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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