this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
