The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
