Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
