Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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