Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
