Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
