omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
