I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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