can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
