Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
