Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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