: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
