been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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