After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The beer is more important than you right now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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