my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
