haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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