so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
