We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Randomize
