hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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