How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
