we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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