No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm always down for nudity.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
