He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
