maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
