Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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