Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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