after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
