I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
