Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
