I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
