Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
