How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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