I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
