I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
