its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
