Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
