Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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