yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
