yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
