Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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