Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
