omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
