I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
