Having a random hookup so left but love u
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
this will be a night to untag.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
