Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
