i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize