at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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