Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
