If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize