I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
