When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
