you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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