look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
