STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
