I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
