we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
