the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
