I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
