Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
