Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
