If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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