i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My dick has a subreddit
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
