Operation Purity has been aborted
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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